Abuse is also know as Coercive Control

Domestic violence is characterized by a pattern of abusive behaviors that are intended to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. It can be emotional, physical, sexual, economic, or psychological, and can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame or injure someone. Tactics do not have to result in physical harm to be considered domestic violence.

Covert Abuse

Covert abusers cloak their tactics in concern, love, charm, praise, fake empathy, trustworthiness, smiles, and pretending to be your biggest supporter. They speak lies with total conviction and confidence. Their schemes are under the radar and hidden so that their target can’t easily identify what’s going on.  They are designed to get their victim to doubt themselves, their perceptions, their sanity and to get them to take on the abuser’s narrative, thoughts, and perspective.

Emotional, phycological, verbal, financial, and spiritual abuse are much more damaging

Most if not all abused women agree that physical abuse is much easier to deal with

Physical violence is only one aspect of domestic violence

Physical violence is the only aspect that can be prosecuted

Aspects of Abuse


  • The batterer tears down the victim’s sense of self worth by continual criticism, name calling, saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful
  • Running down her accomplishments, giving her the silent treatment, making and breaking promises
  • Telling her she’s stupid and not able to function without him
  • He will question her about who she talks to, accuse her of flirting, or be jealous of time she spends with family, friend or children


  • Misuses scripture
  • Use alleged messages of what “god” said about the victim to maintain ultimate power/control
  • Manipulate others so that they think highly of the abuser and disbelieve the victim is enduring abuse
  • Lies to victim about how the Christian community views her
  • Uses the Christian community to protect abuser and isolate victim 


  • Intentionally or recklessly using physical force in a way that may result in bodily injury or physical pain.
  • Actions that lead to harm, such as refusing someone sleep or medical care, throwing things, punching walls, hurting pets, blocking, leaning in and driving recklessly .


  • Accusations
  • Belittling
  • Discounting
  • Criticism
  • Judging
  • Countering
  • Name calling
  • Demeaning
  • Trivializing
  • Threats
  • Ordering
  • Blaming 


Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied by, or culminates in, sexual violence wherein the victim is forced to have sexual intercourse with the abuser or take part in unwanted sexual activity. Also includes beating of the sexual parts of the body, prostitution, sodomy, sex with other people, or the use of pornography, and accusations of infidelity.